Years ago a psychologist by the name of Robert Sternberg came up with a pretty good explanation that is difficult to improve on. What Sternberg did was to break down true love into three parts. I will try to share them so that you can easily apply them to your situation in a simple way. These three parts will help you to determine if what you have in your relationship is true love!
Part 1: Passion
This part includes physical and sexual attraction. It is like “Wow!”… You might hear angels and music…… . You initially cannot get over this person. The attraction is overwhelming. Pheromones abound. Electricity and chemistry are constantly zapping and bubbling in and around you. You feel an obsessive need to have your feelings reciprocated. For most persons, this is the first part of feeling attraction.
Part 2: Intimacy
Intimacy leads to attachment. It creates closeness and connectedness. We call this process becoming bonded with another person. Intimacy grows first by spending much time with another person. Then it grows deeper by sharing with one another every aspect of our lives. Intimacy is built on trust and safety. If you cannot trust and feel safe with a person then intimacy disappears and will degenerate into distrust and suspicion.Since intimacy takes patience to develop, many are not prepared for such task. It is work. It implies a lot of talking and disclosure. If a person has been hurt in previous relationships, then they will have great difficulty finding closeness due to previously existing walls of distrust. The tendency will be to project past hurts on the present relationship.
Part 3: Commitment
Commitment implies the ability to stay connected no matter what. A mature person is one who can work through misunderstandings and hurts. A key to staying together is believing the best of the other person, not prejudging them with bad motives. It is working positively to resolve issues. For a couple to stay together they must consistently break through the barriers of being hurt while assuming that the other person wants to resolve the issue also.
Commitment involves being conciliatory and pursuing the relationship no matter how you feel. That is why we have social contracts such as engagement and marriage. Sure, these can be broken, but it will make you think twice before breaking them, especially when you have a lot of “equity” invested into the relationship. Commitment is not for the lighthearted. Herein lies the real test. Will you be committed to that person even when they gain some pounds, lose their hair, get sick, change in their economic status, etc.? Commitment does not mean you have to agree with everything, just that you can respect their differences.
True love has all three of these components. Having only a couple will show that the relationship has lost its air and needs help. The famous wise king Solomon once said, that “many waters cannot quench love” True love is like a flame. All the monsoon rains, hurricanes, and floods cannot put out the flame of love. What is your love made of?
The 2014 Trafficking in Persons Report has revealed that the dreaded Islamist sect, Boko Haram gives out their captives, especially the young girls and women to its members as wives.
The report also revealed that due to the forced marriages, the girls and women are forced into sex slavery, domestic servitude as well as forced labour.
According to a 2013 report that was obtained from the website of the United States Department of State- www.state.gov, on Tuesday, though posted on June 20, it was also discovered that the Islamist sect recruited children as foot soldiers.
"International observers had reported in 2013 that the terrorist group, Boko Haram, recruited and used child soldiers as young as 12-years-old, as well as abducted women and girls some of whom were subjected to domestic servitude, forced labour, and sex slavery through forced marriages to its militants" the report states.
The report noted that Nigeria is yet to fully adhere to the smallest standards aimed at eradicating human trafficking, although the federal government is currently making positive efforts in doing so by increasing anti-trafficking prosecutions and convictions
The Speaker of the House of Representatives, Aminu Waziri Tambuwal, was on Sunday briefly detained by soldiers in Kaduna State on his way to an international conference where he was slated to give a speech.
Aminu Tambuwal
According to SaharaReporters, the speaker, who was being conveyed by his official car to the International conference on security and development challenges of pastoralism in West and central Africa organized by the office of the National Security Adviser which held at Hotel 17, was stopped by the soldiers who insisted they must search his car before he would be allowed into the venue.
It was gathered that Tambuwal, who arrived at the venue at about 9:16 am for the 10:00 am programme, in a reaction, angrily came out of his car and walked into the venue on foot.
The soldiers, who insisted they would search the speaker's car despite the security details in his entourage disclosed that they had orders from above to search the Speaker.
Meanwhile, other top dignitaries at the occasion which included Governors were allowed access without any hindrance, while Tambuwal who is the number four citizen in the country's official cadre after the President, Vice-President and the Senate President was stopped for security search.
Responding to the incident through his spokesman, Imam Imam, the speaker lamented that the soldiers disregarded the legislative institution with their attitude.
"It is not about the person of the Speaker, but the office he is occupying. What we expect is for the security agents to show respect for the office of the Number 4 citizen of the country, " he said.
It was, however, gathered that the soldiers did not search Tambuwal's car after he had walked into the venue.
It was, however, gathered that the soldiers did not search Tambuwal's car after he had walked into the venue.
Photo from the scene of blast at the Kano School of Hygiene
At least eight persons lost their lives on Monday, June 23, in an explosion that took place at the Kano School of Hygiene along Sabuwar Kofa in Kano State.
According to the Commissioner of Police in Kano state, Adenrele Shinaba, who confirmed the number of casualties, the blast occurred at about 2:05pm at the School of Hygiene which is located along Bayero University Kano (BUK) road in Kano, and has suffered similar attacks in the past.
Addressing reporters at the scene of the blast, Mr. Shinaba also said about 20 others were injured and have been taken to the hospitals for treatment, while lifeless bodies of the affected students have been deposited at the morgue.
During the explosion, 8 vehicles parked withing the premises of the owned tertiary institution were damaged.
The Commissioner disclosed that a suspect was arrested in connection with the blast at the scene as he ruled out car bombing of this latest attack.
"Every lead seems to point at suicide bombing, unlike our previous experience none of the vehicles parked inside this school caught fire and there is no hole around to suggest a car bombing but all leads are still open for investigation," Mr. Shinaba said.
A pregnant woman was hit to death by a commercial bus driver in the Mangoro, Lagos area, on Saturday, 21 June.
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| 24-year-old Itodo Ellen and her daughter |
It was learnt that the deceased, Mrs. Itodo Ellen, who was seven months pregnant, was going to antenatal examination procedure when the incident occurred. Her 5-month-old daughter sustained slight bruises and was rushed to a local pharmacy and later to a hospital.
According to the eyewitness, the woman was going to cross to the other side of the road when the bus at full speed crashed into her. Once the driver understood what had happened he left the bus and escaped the crime scene. The incident was reported to the police officers at Mangoro Police Station around 11am and the vehicle was towed to the station.
The witness said, "I had just exchanged greetings with her before the incident. I joked with her, calling her mama ibeji (mother of twins). Few minutes later, the bus smashed her. Before people got to the spot, the driver had taken to his heels. She died immediately, but her daughter survived and has been taken to a nearby pharmacy."
The grieving husband, Itodoho Onoh, lamented, "She is my life. I just pray that her only daughter get well soon because I was told she also has a dislocation." His wife's remains had been deposited at the Lagos State Teaching University Hospital morgue in Ikeja.
Finally Ukwu crooner Timaya has put an end to rumours of beef between him and recent music sensation Patoranking.
Timaya had earlier said that the way Patoranking left his label, left him with a sour taste. Timaya had discovered and shot Pato's first video.
Patoranking had been part of Timaya's Dem Mama soldiers but he did not sign any contract binding them together.
Pato then got an improved deal by a rival label and switched to the other team.
In a bit to end the online speculation caused by this move, Timaya posted a new picture with both of them and called him his favourite artiste. How nice!
Amid the talks about the Super Eagles coach Stephen Keshi leaving the team for South African Bafana Bafana, the speculations regarding his potential replacement have started circulating in the media.
Photo: Carlos Queiroz
According to Naija FC, the rumour goes as follows: if the Big Boss and the Nigeria Football Federation (NFF) don't reach the agreement on his contract extension, current Iran coach Carlos Queiroz might take over the Eagles.
It has been learnt that Cote d'Ivoire are also "hunting" for the former Manchester United assistant manager, who concludes his assignment with Team Melli after 2014 FIFA World Cup currently being held in Brazil.
Meanwhile the 61-year-old coach, confirming his quit, made an ambiguous remark regarding his future plans, hinting however that they will be linked with an African team.
"It's not so difficult because of the team concerned, which has many players playing in top-flight European teams, but it will be difficult because it will be in a very competitive African environment. It's very difficult to qualify for a World Cup from this continent. But I can't say yet the name of the country and I haven't yet made my decision."
The Portuguese also claimed he had turned down offers from clubs in Brazil and England.
However there have not been any official comments on either on the issue of Stephen Keshi quitting or Queiroz becoming the team's new coach.
After the recent conspiracy allegations made by fans regarding the Nigeria/Bosnia game in which Bosnia striker Edin Dzeko goal was ruled offside.
Manchester City striker Dzeko had scored by the 20th minute mark and his goal was ruled offside by the refree Peter O' Leary.
Fans however have taken to change.org website to demand the immediate removal of New Zealand born refree from further participation in the event.
The petition read: "Most of the people that watched Bosnia-Herzegovina saw the goal scored by Edin Dzeko in the 20' minute. The goal was denied because of the referee's command and Bosnia-Herzegovina lost 1:0 vs Nigeria.
The goal scored by Nigeria should be denied as well, as the assistant signaled that Emenike made a foul, but the referee refused to acknowledge the foul.
What we want: Most of the people who watched the match want the referee to be removed and the scoreline to be changed to 1:1 because the (Dzeko's) goal was denied.
FIFA should also try to hire professional referees for the 2014 World Cup. Over 1 billion viewers saw that Edin Dzeko's goal in the 20' minute was denied. We hope FIFA will change some details and change result as well."
The petition also accused the Nigerian players of using drugs saying: "We want to check Nigerian players, because they might be under dopes (sic) and illegal resources for the match, so we need this for proof."
The petition site displays this photo as suspicion of a 'liaison' between the Nigerian team and the referee:
The petition site displays this photo as suspicion of a 'liaison' between the Nigerian team and the referee:
The Netherlands have defeated Chile 2-0 to leap to the top spot in Group B at the ongoing 2014 FIFA World Cup in Brazil.
The coach Luis Van Gaal-led European side got their two goals from Leroy Fer in the 77 minutes and Memphis Depay in the 90th minutes
Prior to the encounter, both sides are already assured of their place in the last 16 having won their opening two games at the expense of reigning champions Spain and Australia.
With Brazil likely to win Group A, the two teams were aiming to clinch top spot and earn themselves a more favourable draw in the last 16.
In the group's other pairing, reigning world champions, Spain were able to redeem their battered image after they defeated Australia 3-0.
The Spaniards' goal scorers were David Villa (62), Fernando Torres (69) and Juan Mata (82).
* Arjen Robben of Holland, right, being tackled by Sergio Ramos of Spain
In spite of the victory, Spain and Australia would head home after both teams had already lost their first two matches in the group.
Meanwhile, the last set of matches would be the last group matches in Group A and they are schedule to kick off in less than two hours time.
Host country, Brazil will take on Cameroon while Mexico and Croatia will slug it out in the other match.
While the Brazilians have already secured qualification for second round, both Mexico and Croatia will have to fight it out for the last qualification spot in the group. A draw would favour Mexico because they have four points while Croatia can only boast of three points.
Cameroon are already out of the Mundial after they lost their first two matches to Mexico and Croatia.
Following the Super Eagles 1-0 win over Bosnia-Herzegovina in Cuiaba in the early hours of Sunday, Ogenyi Onazi has insisted that Lionel Messi is a normal human being whom they have nothing to be afraid of.
Ogenyi Onazi
The midfielder, who expresses optimism ahead of the final round of Group F fixtures on June 25, said Eagles would give their opponent a though time, adding that there was .
"Messi is a normal human being, a football player," he told reporters. "Of course we have to strategise and make our plans to make sure we get things done (against Argentina)" he said.
The Lazio of Italy midfielder, who said he was satisfied with his team's performance attributed it to the successful execution of coach Stephen Keshi's instructions.
"We improved on our passes and our attacking and made sure we did everything as a team" he said. "The coach gave some instructions for me to do, and I had to do it. I'm the one in charge in the midfield and I had to calculate how to move forward, when to come back. It was the game plan for the team."
The June 25 match against the Albiceleste will the fourth time both teams have played at the World Cup, with the South Americans having won all three encounters, albeit narrowly.
It would be recalled that Messi scored a late winning goal against Iran on Saturday, as well as the crucial second goal against Bosnia-Herzegovina, but Onazi maintains that after watching Iran hold them for more than 90 minutes before Messi scored the late goal believed that Eagles are ready to take on one of the pre-tournament favourites.
"We're taking every game step by step. No one gave us a chance and we are not ready to say much, we just want to go step by step" Onazi said.
The African champions, who moved second in the group are two points behind the Albiceleste, who have already qualified following their opening two victories.
Dayo Adeyeye, a chieftain of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) in Ekiti State, on Sunday said the just concluded polls could lead to the collapse of the ruling All Progressives Congress (APC) in the state and the South-Western region of the country.
PDP Logo
Speaking to newsmen Ise Ekiti, the elated chieftain, who said that the state PDP did not disappoint President Goodluck Jonathan, assured that Ayodele Foyose's victory would be repeated in Osun state governorship poll slated for August , 2014.
Adeyeye commended the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) for doing Nigerians proud, adding that the electoral body has proven itself credible in handling electoral issues on behalf of the people.
"Fayose should be the happiest man in the world. He was humiliated out of office in 2006, but today God has catapulted him from the abyss to the mountaintop. This is a second chance for him and our God is a God of second chance" he said.
In a similar development, Lagos State chapter of the PDP in a statement issued on Sunday and signed by its Chairman, Tunji Shelle, said Fayose's victory shows the good things to come to the entire South West, especially in Lagos State.
The party congratulated Fayose on his success at the poll, adding that, "we see the Ekiti victory as a 'game changer' and good omen for PDP in South West and Lagos State in particular." It also congratulated its national secretariat, as well as President Goodluck Jonathan on the victory recorded in the Ekiti State governorship election.
It commended the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) and security agencies for ensuring a free and fair election, and also used the medium to call on defectors to return to the party. It went ahead to congratulated the governor-elect, Fayose, the people of Ekiti State, PDP leaders on the victory in the southwest geo-political zone.
"We see this as good omen for our zone and indeed Lagos State" it said. "We shall build on this victory and not relent in our resolve to also free Lagos State from the control of APC. We are thus calling on defectors to have a rethink and return now to be part of the wind of change imminent to pass through in Lagos State."
A Boko Haram kingpin, who is among the 486 suspects detained in Abia state has been relocated to a detention facility by the military for a comprehensive investigation.
486 suspected Boko Haram members arrested in Abia state
It was gathered by The Nation that the suspected kingpin was moved out of the state because of what a source described as "valuable information and clues" he had released to the military.
The suspected kingpin was said to have given his interrogators a wrong name but after a DSS officer, who had been on his trail, succeeded in identifying him, he disclosed his real name and admitted that he had been on the wanted list of security agencies.
According to a military source, he is presently being held in a secret detention facility, saying they had to relocate him because they have been receiving enquiries on his real identity, describing as disturbing, the fact that some people wanted to know the exact kingpin.
"So, his arrest has generated more than a mere passing interest from some bigwigs. They were consistently asking which particular one had been picked? Who is the person? Do you have his photograph? We are suspecting that some of those raising concerns might have other sinister motives too," the source said.
Another military source disclosed that contrary to the public outcry there was more to the movement of the 486 suspects caught in Abia state.
The 486 suspects were arrested last Sunday morning by officers and men of the 144 Battalion of the Nigerian Army in Aro Ngwa and Imo Gate along Enugu, Port Harcourt Expressway.
Following the discovery of 87 of the suspects' link with Boko Haram, more military and SSS officers from intelligence units were yesterday deployed in Abia and are expected to interrogate some of these suspects who have been coming up with fresh information.
