~Ask Bella~ TAME YOUR MAN AND MAKE HIM “INTO YOU”

Bella Bardot

I get a lot of questions and requests emailed to me by my friends. Among the many things that  I find myself answering over and over again through the years is this little question about the opposite sex – “Bella, how I can tame my husband or my boyfriend so he could be more into me?”

My friends know I’m happily married to a man that has a very strong character; whose chosen  profession keeps him on high alert and working at a level of stress that can affect his family relationships easily. However, he’s content in the nest I’ve created for us, and although he’s commanding at work– at home, he is happy to give me my ‘crown’. At the same time, he praises me and shows me affection and unconditional love – how have I accomplished this?

The first rule is one you are not going to like, ladies. The main rule to tame your man is to accept him for who is right now. This means no nagging, no scolding, no looks that could kill. Accept your man as he is – with all its flaws that bother you. It is the only way you can level the playing field and be able to take this relationship where you want to go. If the man feels that he is always criticized, he will start seeing you as an enemy, and as someone that he can not trust. Conversely, if he thinks that you accept him for who he is and that you love him unconditionally, he is more open to receiving your advice—thereby creating an open doorway that you can potentially go through in order to get what you want.

The second rule: Appreciate the things he does now. Doesn’t send flowers? (but he’s a good father) Does not whisper sweet things in your ear? (but never misses dinner time at home with you) Becomes impossible when the “game” is on? (but has no vices). Find the good things that you like about him and wouldn’t want to see change. Start to praise him for these virtues BIG TIME! This will not only help you remember the good things in your relationship, but it will help him feel like a better man, one that is appreciated by you.  Studies have shown that the biggest reason a man is unfaithful is because he doesn’t feel appreciated—so praising him for the good things he does now will only perpetuate happiness in the relationship.

The third rule: Transference. This rule is really just rule number two—taken the distance. Start telling your beloved just how important he is to you. Explain that when you’re away at work, all that you can do is think about how your favorite place to be is right next to him, just watching TV.  Tell him how you can’t wait to be next to him because that’s your safe zone, and there is nothing better than when the two of you are together (he might look at you as if you’re crazy at first, but trust me, THIS WORKS!) Tell him he’s your best friend – that no one in the world could take his place. Pour it on. THICK.

The fourth rule: Pat him on the head. Did you know patting someone on the head gives you the position of power? (Like our parents patted us when we were children – or as you would pat a puppy’s head) The next time you’re cuddling, pat him on the head in a loving way, mixing it with gentle strokes. Your mate will subliminally interpret this as you having the power position. The man needs to feel pampered and protected – and when intimately caressed this way, he will transfer his trust to you over his body and being.

The final rule: Ask him for things in a low voice. Men hate the loud pitch a woman can make when she’s angry or in a hurry—it makes them feel belittled, and they tend to run from a woman like that – and many times they run straight into the arms of someone else. So from now on, ask him things quietly.  You can make it sexy or you can make it girlish. Try to hug him or caress him when you are asking for what you want in this low tone—and you’re sure to succeed. The reasoning behind this is that men can argue with logic all day long, but they fall short on how to argue with feelings, so if you’re making him feel good, he will argue less about giving you what you want.

Lastly, as the daughter of my mother, if the above does not work as fast as you would like, as the Queen of Salsa,Celia Cruz, once sang – “mix a brew of lemon, mint and brown sugar without shame”… but those tips, ladies, are for another article altogether! (hehe)

DISCLAIMER:

If you’re in a relationship with an abusive partner or if your partner has a problem with alcohol or addiction – these tips are not for you. If you are in a relationship with these types of issues, please seek appropriate professional help.  These are not your problems to fix alone, because there is nothing that you’re doing wrong to begin with!